Sunday, November 9, 2014

I'm back!

I haven't updated in a very long time :( for that I'm sorry, both to anyone who actually reads this stuff and to Charlotte! I started this to capture memories (between two jobs and playing with her, who has time for an old fashioned baby book any more?!) so I want to keep it going, keep those who care updated, have a place to express myself and have a place to put down in writing all the fun adventures me and my little one have! 

Well Charlotte is two now!! She's super grown up and all over the place! She's a talking maniac! Here are some quick fun facts :) 
Favorite song: shake it off by Taylor swift (literally screamed at me once when I turned the car off and it was still playing! 
Favorite food: Pizza
Favorite phrases: not yet, sit a minute, go away monster, um, hi mommy 
What did you do at school?: um, Emma 
Favorite show: curious George 
Favorite place to go: GG's and science center 
Favorite toy: babies 
Favorite game: putting everyone and everything to night night 

There you have it! A quick update into our lives :) Charlotte is about 24lbs now, and growing every day! She's not nearly the little peanut she used to be, but sometimes late at night when she's tired and wants to cuddle I have glimpses of my sweet baby girl who I used to rock and rock (now she's my sweet toddler girl who goes to bed by herself) 

Everyday presents a new challenge for me and for her, but I'm doing my best to take it one day at a time and savour the little moments when I can catch my breath! 

She's growing so fast, I've said it before and will say it again, it's incredibly bitter sweet, I year for the days gone by of my tiny sweet baby, but my heart overflows with the joy and privilege of watching her grow up and being as present as I can be in all aspects of her life. 

There are many things I'm not good at, and even more I've failed miserably at, but one thing I know, is that I was meant to be a mom, and more than that, was meant to be her mom. I am ever thankful and blessed, even in my most challenging moments that I get to call this sweet little girl mine :)

Thursday, April 3, 2014

No, I don't have a husband thanks for asking

Most of you know I started a new job. Today I was telling a cute story about Charlotte and someone who I'd don't know well said "you have a daughter?" I proudly responded yes!! And she said "wow, I didn't even know you were married, that's great" 

Stopped me in my tracks. Since when does someone need to be married to have a child? 

I know she didn't mean anything by this comment, and she's actually a very nice person, but those words made me want to simultaneously punch someone, cry, and eat a king size kit kat. 

I almost wanted to say, you're right I SHOULD be married but I'm not. Sorry if it offends you. But the thing is ppl don't have to be married to have a kid, ppl don't need a partner to have a kid. 

I didn't choose to be a single mom. When Charlotte was conceived and born, I was married to her dad, and I thought we'd be married forever. I was shocked and thrown for a loop when Charlotte was 13 days old and he said he wanted out. I had no choice, no control over the situation, no say in it. I was blindsided, I wasn't asked about it, wasn't offered a chance to work on anything, wasn't given options, was just told that he was out. 

So no I'm not married, but have a kid. I'm not a bad person, I'm not a slut, Im not a crazy person. Ppl constantly assume I'm married, or in a long term relationship or at least have a boyfriend when they find out I have a very young daughter. I've been asked the following things throughout charlottes young life: do you know who her father is?, why did you leave your husband; it's hard to raise a kid on your own; but she's so young, why; it doesn't seem like a good decision; isn't it hard.  (The one I hear the most often, literally almost EVERY time I have to explain to ppl that no I do not have a husband is "but she's so young")

So here you go universe, no I don't have a husband, yes I know who her father is, yes she's young, I didn't have a choice in the decision, but thanks for your input, yes yes it's hard (but nothing good has ever been easy), yea, you made your point she is young, oh she's young? I had no idea, thanks. 

I feel bad getting upset over a comment that is meaningless to someone else, but honestly I hear this shit all the time, and it doesn't make me feel great. Some days are better than others, but most days I'd like to wear a sign that says "I have no husband, and I'm not accepting comments or questions, thanks anyway"

I love my daughter more than anything in this world, and I love being a mom, it's really fucking awesome! I'm super blessed to be able to be able to be a mother, but I'd be a good mother with or without a husband. 

There all different types of families, some ppl aren't married but have kids, some ppl aren't allowed to get married and have kids, some ppl have an oops with a one night stand, some ppl never had a long term relationship but go to a sperm bank bc they want to have a kid, some ppl adopt, some kids have no parents, some kids have one parent some kids have four or three some just have a grandmother or an uncle Or something. 

Stupid stereotypes ruin my day. 

But coming home to my one and only always makes it better :)

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Oregon Ridge Nature Center

Sorry that it's been so long that I've blogged, but boy have we been busy! I will def be overloading you all with a ton of posts the next few days! 

In the earlier winter we went to Oregon Ridge nature Center! It was my first time there, but it was very fun! 

ORNC has an indoor nature area and it looks like a lot of walking trails, there was snow all over the ground (and falling from the sky) so we didn't get to explore the outside as much as I would have liked. 

Inside they had lots of animals and tanks to look at as well as some exploratory things, when we went there was a free animal encounter program and they brought out their opossum for the kids to get an up close look at. They talked about the opossum and there was a free craft to do. Charlotte did not sit through the informational part, so we walked around the nature center, everyone else was inside the meeting room looking at the animal, and listening, so we had the place to ourselves, and one of the employees was kind enough to take one of the turtles out for the kiddo to touch and see! 

It was a fun way to spend the afternoon, and I very much look forward to going back when it gets warm outside. The best bonus is that this place is free. I love a deal!!

Charlotte things of note: she wore her snow boots and was very excited about that, she loves walking on her own up to the nature center, the road/sidewalk was all salted bc of the snow, and she shuffled her feet and laughed the whole time (it was a whole new sensation for her), she said turtle at lot, which was one of her new favorite words at the time, she giggled when she got to pet the turtle and loved his "hands", she loved walking in the snow, and tried to jump in it, but it was a little hard for her, she had a ball! 

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Too little time!

So much has been going on in my life I haven't had time to update since before Christmas. One of my resolutions is to update more! I was so good at it for a brief period of time! 

Things have been hard, but I have a lot of good things on the horizon. I have been taking each day one at a time. I am working everyday to be the best mom and person I can be. 

Charlotte is doing great as per usual. She is really growing and changing each and every day! She knows a lot of words now and communicates her wants pretty well. Sometimes she has a complicated plan in her head and she gets easily frustrated when I don't understand. She has mini temper tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants. I'm learning to ignore her and not give into her every demand. 

She got her first sickness in the beginning of the year. She puked so much. I mean I've seen a lot of bodily fluids throughout the years, vomit included, but I'm pretty sure when she puked it was her entire body weight. Watching your child get sick IS THE FUCKING WORST. You want to make ten feel better instantly but you can't :( it's very sad. She recovered nicely and is doing well! 

She still loves animals! Ask her what the elephant's the cutest! My mom got her a robot fish for Christmas and she loves it!

Another of her current favorite things is Elmo. She says Elmo and points out Elmo whenever she sees him. She equally likes and hates Sesame Street. She loves it but hates when Elmo isn't on it.

She loves to play with her baby dolls especially the cradle my mom got her for Christmas. When she says "baby" it's the cutest thing ever and melts my heart.

She is really an amazing little human and I'm so proud to be her mom everyday! 

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

So grown up!

I've been attempting to clear out my phone to make space to download the iOS 7 update (I know I know, I'm the last person in existence to do this). In the process I had to send myself 50+ videos and upload even more pictures to snapfish and email (I'm crazy I know but you can't be too careful) 

I ended up watching a lot of the videos. Insane. Literally insane as to how much Charlotte has grown and changed over the last 18 months! 

It is so hard to believe that the toothless little five lb infant is now my toddler who is walking, talking and has a mouthful of teeth. 

I feel like I'm in a country song, literally in a blink of an eye Charlotte has grown up. She's so independent. She is exploring the world around her and learning new things every day. The amount of knowledge she takes in on a daily basis astounds me. She is so smart, sweet and pretty. 

My heart aches because I know ill never get these (or those earlier) moments back. Time goes by so fast it is so hard to remember every detail and savor every moment. 

I think that's what is so hard for me. I get lost in the day to day too often. I make it a point each and every day to do nothing but take it on. Tune out everyone and everything but Charlotte and just enjoy our time together. 

These moments are the times I most love and most hate being a single mom. I know I know I'm a huge contradiction. That word does basically sum me up as a whole. 

I love it because I don't have to share those special moments with anyone, it's just me and Charlotte. I know that we have a special bond that she doesn't share with anyone else. Don't  get me wrong she has so many other people in her life she also has special bonds with, but they aren't the same. There's something special about mother daughter time, there really is, and I am blessed that I get EXTRA mother daughter time, it's amazing. 

What makes me sad, is that I don't have anyone to share the day to day things with. Those little nuances that make Charlotte Charlotte. I'm the only person in the entire world who knows 3:00 am Charlotte (she's not super pleasant, but she is extra cuddly). Some days when she days little things or learns new things I look around expecting someone to be there. It's very hard not to have someone to share those things with, or have someone to bounce ideas off of. 

I think that's what makes me such an over sharer. I want as many people to know the amazing Charlotte! Her likes, dislikes, wants, needs. So next time I'm going down memory lane I can say "hey remember when she did...." 

The last 18 months have had many many downs for me, but it has also had its up. The biggest up (which outweighs ALL the downs) is that Charlotte has only had 18 months of ups. She is a very happy little girl, who has experienced many fun things and has many people in her life who love her. I try to make each day a special adventure for her and plan to do that for the rest of her life, no matter what our circumstances. 

Each day is a gift and will be gone quicker than it should. Everyday I like to remind myself how important it is to put my phone down, stop working, quit complaining, stop worrying so much and just enjoy the moment. I'm so happy I've been successful at this (not as often as I'd like, but hey I'm human and have to make a living haha) I urge everyone I know to do the same. Seriously, it goes by so quickly!

How did this: 

Turn into this: 

I feel like I took a quick nap and the transformation happened. So weird, but I'm sure every parent out there feels the same. And that's what I love about this blog and my excessive Facebook picture sharing, I love when you all leave comments on my pictures and satuses and blog posts. The messages and emails sent are great, it makes me feel less alone (and totally normalizes this parenting thing, everyday I think I'm the only parent dealing with something and it's confusing and scary, and everyday you all prove me wrong and I feel normal again) seriously being a parent is hard so it's great to learn and hear from all of you! , and I love sharing charlottes journey with you all, it means more to me than you'll ever know! 

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Little swimmer!

Swim class is back in full swing! We've already had three classes this session! She does great in the water! She really is developing some skills! She will kick when you say kick and has begun working on the arms part, she loves to splash the water! 

My little water baby really takes after me, I love the water so much and I'm glad she does too! 

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Face maker

Every time I get Charlotte out of the car she sticks her tongue out at me and laughs and laughs! She does this because I always make funny faces at her through the window while I'm getting gas or before daycare in the morning and she laughs and laughs. 

Today when I opened the car door and she was sticking her tongue out and smiling I waited a moment before taking her out of her carseat, and I kissed her asked her to do that forever, because its so cute, and our little thing. 

I wanted to take that moment in and remember it always. Her sweet face and innocent smile. 

It's amazing watching them grow up, but it's also heartbreaking and scary quite frankly. Everyday I have those mother worries, I want her to be this happy forever, I never want her to know heartbreak or despair, never want her to go hungry, just want her to be happy always. 

I had to post today because its important to remember the little things! Charlotte and I do a lot of fun things together, and while I love watching her have fun, I also love these little moments, these things we share, I wanted to capture this moment so I will always remember it, especially on those nights she keeps me up or on those days filled with tantrums. 

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, 
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, 
You never need to carry more than you can hold, 
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, 
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too, 
Yeah, this, is my wish.