Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Trick or Treat!

Happy Halloween everyone! Charlotte had so much fun trick or treating that she is already asleep! No fussing tonight.  I am sure she won't stay asleep too long, but fingers crossed! She fell asleep in her tights and before her bath, but I figured oh well, let her rest now, we can shower in the morning! She is such a happy girl during the day.  She loved hanging out with everyone and seeing all the kids come by to trick or treat.  I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow, I think I should work a week, have a week off, work a week have a week off, someday! Lotte is getting so big and interactive, it is so much fun to be with her! She had been mimicking sticking out her tongue, now she is trying to give kisses, but can't quite figure it out, soon though, soon!

I am going to take advantage of her sleeping and hit the hay early myself, well I am going to lay in my warm bed and watch American horror story YES! Overall, I'd have to say that Lotte's first Halloween was a success!





Tuesday, October 30, 2012

We are safe and dry!

Well Charlotte went through her first hurricane, and I went through my first big weather event by myself and we both survived! Really it was kind of a let down, a let down in a good way I should verify.  We briefly lost power, lots of flickering, but that was pretty much the damage of Sandy for us.  It was REALLY REALLY loud last night though.  I thought for sure the windows were going to break and tree limbs would fly though, but luckily it was fine. 

The storm kept Lotte up most of the night, but that was to be expected, like I said it was really loud.  Sadly I work in a place that never closes, so work was not closed for me, luckily Monday I got to go home early, and I stayed home today.  Everything was too wet and soggy and there were a ton of tree branches down everywhere this morning and Baltimore urged us not to drive until after noon, so I figured I would stay home and cuddle with Lotte while working, and it was AMAZING.  I think I needed a mental health day anyway.

It is amazing how much having a little one changes you.  My head used to be all about work, ask anyone, I never called out, but now I look forward to the random times I get to spend with Charlotte.  Especially after such a busy weekend, it was nice to just do nothing with her, just to exist with her.  I really can not get over how much she amazes me everyday.  She is growing so fast, I am trying to hold on to every memory, every mental image of her smile, every smell.  I know when the road ahead gets tough I will look back on days like today and smile.  I will know that I did the best I could with what I have and just remember how truly blessed I am. 

When I took this photo, I had no idea how much I would truly love this little person.  I had so many thoughts about what she would be like and the amazingness that I pictured is no where near the reality of how awesome she is:


Monday, October 29, 2012

Halloween!

Lotte had so much this weekend! She went to two Halloween parties, went to her uncle's birthday brunch and carved a pumpkin with me!  She makes the cutest elephant! I love spending time with her and enjoy doing fun fall things.  I can't wait to do a little trick or treating and hand out candy with her.  Should be fun! Right now we are trying to sleep during hurricane Sandy! It's Lotte's first hurricane! So far so good, but it seems to be getting worse.  I am hopeful I do not have to work tomorrow (or that it gets better so I can work).  Lotte and I will keep everyone posted on our hurricane survival!

Mommy and Elephant:
 
Lotte loves GG:


Happy Girl at Brunch:
 
Reading her menu:


 
Chillin at GG's while mommy learns to knit:



Thursday, October 25, 2012

How to make my child sleep?

So Lotte had her four month checkup today! She is weighing in at eleven pounds even and is 23 and 3/4 inches long! She is growing so fast it is crazy! I miss my little peanut.  Sometimes I get really sad when I do her laundry and know she won't fit in any of these clothes anymore.  It is hard to pack up all the newborn size clothes, I know she will never be this size again and although I am happy to be gainfully employed so that I can provide for her, everyday I am not with her I feel like I am missing out on her life and watching her grow.  Today was especially hard.  In the past when she has gotten shots she has been extra fussy and likes extra cuddles, so I was sad when I had to leave her at daycare and not help soothe her.  I just keep reminding myself I am doing whats best for her by being able to provide for her.  Luckily I like my job and I am fortunate enough to have an education and a license that will help me stay employed in this economy. 

In other news, the doctor told me I need to help her work on her sleeping.  Every time I see my grandmother she asks how she sleeps, if you are a regular blog reader, you know this question enrages me to no end.  Seriously people she is not fucking sleeping, when she does sleep for more then a few hours at a time, everyone I know will be the first to know, because I will throw the most amazing party ever. 

Anyway, the doctor said she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own.  So the journey begins.  I have been reading lots of peer reviewed articles (because that's how I roll, evidence based practices people, evidence based!) about getting babies to sleep.  So far, it is not going well.  I let her cry it out for a few minutes like I was supposed to, every night I am supposed to increase my time.  IT WAS THE WORST! Not sure Ill ever make it past three minutes! Another thing that is supposed to help is a really full tummy, so she had sweet potatoes tonight.  She is now asleep, lets see how long it lasts!

Here she is, sleeping beauty! This was earlier tonight during her twenty minute "nap" in her bed:


Monday, October 22, 2012

We almost made it!

My first week on call since Lotte has been born.  Tomorrow I give this phone of doom away.  I can't wait.  It has been awful.  I hate knowing that I could be spending time with Charlotte and instead am stuck working.  The good news is we survived.  It has been hard, but we did it.  Getting a call in the middle of the night is scary.  It used to not be that terrible, more of an annoyance.  But now that It's just me and Lotte I have to plan to have someone watch her, and no one other then me really knows her middle of the night routine, even my mom has trouble getting her to sleep in her crib.  I have mastered the transfer haha.  It was hard, and I am happy that tomorrow it will be over.  Last night in the middle of the night when I had to leave she was crying.  It was really hard.  I never in my life felt heartbreak like I did last night.  It is not fun leaving your baby that wants you to stay.  It made me feel like a bad mom and of course after working all night I was exhausted today.  Then my really nice hair straightener broke.  It was the last straw.  I had a nervous breakdown.  When things are going wrong and I'm sick or upset or tired or sad, I like knowing that at least my hair looks good.  It makes me feel better.  I know its silly, but it's true.  I guess it is one of the things I used to be able to control, and now I can't even control that.  LAME!

Like I said, the good news is that we survived! Lotte was of course just fine without me, I made it through a few hours of work and took a nap to regroup and am ready to face the world again, to bad my hair will still look like crap lol.  Tonight Lotte and worked on her Halloween cards.  I have so much fun doing crafts with her.  She is hilarious and just loves to interact with people.  I am so lucky that she is such a happy baby (when it's not bed time anyway haha).  Lotte and I have such a fun weekend planned I can't wait for this work week to be over.  We have two Halloween parties on Friday and a neighborhood pumpkin carving party on Sunday and her uncle's birthday brunch at one of my favorite places ever, Ms. Shirley's on Saturday morning!

Here is preview of Lotte's Halloween card! It's a phone photo, so just ignore the crappyness of it haha

Sunday, October 21, 2012

I was finally productive!

Well Adam took Lotte to a dinner with his family today.  She was gone almost all day and I missed her so much, but I had a chance to get things done finally.  I did five loads of laundry, I still have one more to go of Lotte clothes and paraphernalia, but happy I made a dent in all the laundry that has been piling up.  I also went grocery shopping and got us pumpkins to carve this weekend! I miss her so much when she is away, but love when she comes home and smiles big when she sees me. 

I also learned a great tip from another mom today and so far it has worked! Lotte HATES pacifiers, she always spits them out, not sure why.  However, at night time she likes to use me as a human pacifier, which is quite annoying.  The tip was when she finishes eating slip a pacifier in her mouth before she has a chance to notice! It has worked well tonight.  I hope it will be a good addition to our nighttime routine. 

So sad the weekend is over, but looking forward to the next one I get to spend with Lotte, I'm off to sleep in my bed with freshly washed sheets.  Sleeping in a made bed with fresh sheets is one of my favorite past times!


Saturday, October 20, 2012

Best way to spend a Saturday!

Lotte and I have enjoyed having a Saturday with no plans! I wanted to go to a festival downtown, but didn't have the energy since we both have head colds.  Instead we decided to relax it up! We laid in bed until almost nine, we ate pancakes, took a long walk, played at the park and cuddled on the couch! It has been amazing! Everyday she is more awesome.

Lotte's new favorite thing to do is imitate.  So she has started sticking out her tongue, and loves when people do it to back to her.  It always makes her smile and laugh.  She extra loves it when you make a raspberry sound while doing it, it's a surefire way to please her!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Sunday, October 14, 2012

What a weekend!

So much has happened since my last post! Lotte went on her first hayride and to her first pumpkin patch! She had visitors, went walking with her baby friends, and got to welcome her GG home.

First let me say GG is NEVER allowed to go on vacation again! It is too hard to do everything without her help, plus as cute as Izzy is, she is annoying as hell! Luckily GG is home and I have my helper back and no dog full of anxiety. 

Friday was crazy at work and I had some difficulty and had no one to pick Lotte up from daycare, that was a horrible feeling! Luckily Ms. Rhonda doesn't care when I am a little late and I was able to pick up baby girl.  Again GG is back and I don't have to worry about not being able to get Lotte if I get stuck at work!

Saturday was eventful!! We went to Lariland farms in Woodbine and it was so much fun! Lotte had her baby friends and we got to go on a hayride, pet animals at the petting zoo, eat apple fritters and look at pumpkins.  I really wanted to be able to get a pumpkin for carving (my favorite fall activity) but sadly I could not carry Lotte, a diaper bag and pumpkins lol, so we will have to go to the store for our pumpkins this year! It was a lot of fun and I'm glad we went.  It was bittersweet though, the other little girls all had their daddies with them and got to ride around on daddy's shoulders.  This was one of those events I had always pictured us doing as family and it was hard for me to do it alone, but I'm glad I did.  I love making memories with my little girl and would never miss her first hayride, I love fall!!

                                Mommy & Lotte at the pumpkin Patch:
 
First hayride! It was an old school hayride too, no bales to sit on, just sitting right in the loose hay, that Lotte enjoyed grabbing and putting in her mouth lol:

                                           I just LOVE baby feet!
 
Mommy & Baby Skeletons:

           Lotte & her baby friends Ellie & Violet.  We call Violet and Charlotte, Letty & Lotte lol!

                                   Lotte the Pumpkin Queen!
 
After the pumpkin patch Lotte got to enjoy some time with her visitors.  Chris and Megan came over and brought Mommy some wine and it was so nice to catch up with friends! We then got to go out to dinner with them and our other friends Mike & Rachel.  As usual Lotte was a show stopper!
 
                            Uncle Chris making Lotte laugh!
 
 
                       How could you not love this face?


                                She is getting so so big!

                        Lotte's got your nose!
 
 
                              Playing with her keys at the restaurant:
 
 
Now Sunday is where things get tricky.  Saturday after all of our adventures I was exhausted!! So like the old lady I am I attempted to go to bed around 9 with the little one.  Lotte had other plans! She was up all night.  Anytime I put her down she would just fuss and fuss and then scream and scream.  So I basically held her all night and didn't sleep at all.  It sucked. It sucked a lot.  At least our baby brigade walk was at 8am, and we were already up.  Lotte did well on the walk, although I am sure she did not like being bundled up.  It was kind of like A Christmas Story where she couldn't put her arms down haha!
 
 
But she did well on her walk and enjoyed seeing her baby friends again.  She fell asleep on the second half of the walk and I thought that was a good sign, but as soon as we got home she was back to hating life! Anytime I put her down she screamed and screamed.  We picked GG up at the airport this afternoon and it was great to see her and give Izzy back.  It was also nice to have someone to hold the baby so I could sit for a minute and process my thoughts. 
 
Sadly Lotte is still doing this! She screamed the whole drive home from GG's, and usually she loves car rides! She has done it all night.  Currently she is eating so she is not screaming.  I had to push her in her BOB for over an hour tonight in the house just to get her to calm down.  I have no idea what to do.  I am so sad for her.  I wish she could tell me what is bothering her so I could fix it.  I feel so incredibly helpless! I have no idea what to do.  She is fed, clean, fresh diaper, no fever, not constipated, all of her snot has been suctioned out, I tried dressing her in more clothes in case she was cold, let her be naked in case she was hot (plus she loves to be naked) but the only time she remotely calms down is when I am holding her and singing and moving.  I am at my wits end.  Sadly Adam was at the beach until late tonight so he couldn't watch her for a little while, and mom just returned from vacation so I didn't feel right handing off my fussy baby to her, so it's just me and I really need a break.  I feel like that makes me a shitty mom.  What kind of mom needs a break from their baby?  I am hoping that she is so tired she sleeps better tonight and starts fresh tomorrow.  I am praying that she feels better tomorrow and is good for Ms. Rhonda and I do not have to take her to the doctors again.  It breaks my heart that I don't know why she is so unhappy and that I don't know what to do to fix it.  I am also emotionally and physically exhausted, so I'm sure that does not help. 
 
I feel like I did a lot of complaining in this post and talked a lot about the things I'm lacking such as sleep and sanity lol, however I am so rich in other areas of my life and so happy overall I thought I should end this post with a list of things I am thankful for:
1. My job - so many people are not fortunate enough to even have a job, and I have one with a great support system built in and the flexibility where I can still feel like I am taking care of my little one to the best of my ability
2. Mom friends - It's really nice to have a group of moms I can get advice from and that invite me to do things I normally would not be able to do, or have to do on my own.  Plus Lotte loves to look at other kids and babies so its nice for her to have people to socialize with.
3. Friends! - It was great to see my friends I haven't seen in awhile and enjoy a meal out and adult conversation.  It is a rarity that I get to go out and do things like that these days
4. My mom - so happy she is home.  I am happy that she is here to help and I never have to worry about help with Lotte, it is also nice that I can get free hugs when I am down and out and really need them
5. That Dexter comes on Sunday nights - I was walking Lotte in the stroller in the house during half of Dexter, and at one scary part I screamed and woke her up, but its nice that I can still catch my shows and unwind.
6. LOTTE!! As much as she screams, spits up, keeps me up all night, she is the most amazing thing I have ever made and the most amazing person I have been fortunate enough to interact with.  I hope every day that I am making her proud.  Everyday I work hard to be a better person so that I can be the best mom possible. 
 
Although I anticipate another sleepless night tonight, I love my little girl and I LOVE our life together, and even though sometimes it's hard, I wouldn't change a thing, It is outta control how amazing she is :)
 


 




Thursday, October 11, 2012

SIlver Lining

Well today I missed my first day of work due to a Lotte illness!  My poor baby is struggling.  She is so congested its hard for her to eat.  It makes me so sad when she is sick.  She just seems helpless and can't tell me what's wrong and then I feel helpless and like I have no control, and anyone that knows me knows I hate being helpless and hate not having control. 

Luckily I have an understanding job and boss and a great doctor.  It was nice to spend the whole day with Lotte, however I would have much preferred it if she felt better.  She is so so so fussy and won't sleep for more then 45 minutes at a time.  It breaks my poor little heart! Luckily she has still be smiling and cuddly.  She hates when I put her down, which I think is part of her sleeping problem. 

Every cloud has a silver lining though! And today the most amazing thing happened! Lotte rolled over! She finally did it!!! She has been able to roll from her back to her stomach, but when she gets to her stomach she gets stuck like a turtle and makes sad face, but tonight I put her on her stomach for tummy time which she HATES and she was like screw this mom, I'm rolling over, and she turned over, looked at me and had a huge smile on her face! Amanda and I started clapping and cheering and she thought it was hilarious, and then the dogs ran over because they thought they did something good haha.  It was amazing, I was so happy I got to see it.  I really can not believe how big my little girl is getting and all the new things she can do.  Sometimes I get sad when I think about her getting older and knowing she will never be this tiny again, but I am looking forward to our future together and helping shape the amazing person I know she will be. 

 
 

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

No Sleep make Jessica go something something...

Between Sunday night and Monday night I have gotten a total of 4 hours and 23 minutes of sleep.  I'm fading slowly.  Not sure I am going to make it through the week.  The worst part is that I feel so bad for my little one.  I am hoping that she gets better soon, or that this tooth finally pops out.  The teethers you put in the fridge have been helpful as well. I hope to get out this weekend to pick up some more.  She has a lot of teethers, but most of them are too big for her to hold, so she needs little ones. 

Izzy has been well behaved, but misses mom.  Having a dog again really makes me miss having Dex.  Maybe Lotte can get a puppy for Christmas? A girl needs a dog, even big girls like me lol :) It looks like Lotte might be falling asleep soon so I better wrap it up, morning will come fast and I have to be more productive at work tomorrow.  This non sleeping thing makes me space out at work a lot which is not good. 

This is the picture I got from Ms.Rhonda today (that's Lotte's daycare lady who she LOVES, and I love because I get pictures everyday!)

Monday, October 8, 2012

Laughing Lotte

Poor baby girl seems to be having a cold, I hope she feels better in the morning so that I don't have to take her to the doctors tomorrow.  She hates the place and I really don't want to take the time off work.  I'm finally starting to get into a groove and don't want to mess it up.  Plus I want her to feel better, hopefully she will feel better in the moring :)

Check out my little girl laughing!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

I'm a little fusspot short and stout!

Lotte had a rough day today :( I think we may be seeing a teeth soon, or she is getting sick, either way I am prepared.  I called the doctor this afternoon because Lotte has been so fussy and so drooly and a very small fever.  The doctor told me I could give her some baby Tylenol stuff that we have, so I am hoping that helps, if her fever gets higher or doesn't go away then we are off to the doctors.  I sincerely hope she is not sick, she can not be sick this week. 

This week her GG is out of town visiting her cousins!  Not sure how I could handle her being sick without my mom here, for many reasons.  The first reason is that I am watching her annoying dog.  So now it is like I am taking care of two babies.  LAME! The second reason is that since Charlotte has been born my mom has been my helper and source of support.  Lotte has been fussing since about three o'clock today and between her and the bark machine Izzy I need a break.  I don't know if I can make it to Sunday when she gets back!

Although she may be fussy because of teething or because she is sick, it might be because the weather is so crappy.  I think she misses summertime like me.  We had planned to go apple picking today, but alas it was raining so it was not that much fun.  I did get some DELISH fuji apples, fresh cider and some amazing colby old bay cheese from a local creamery so that was a plus.  If we survive this week, the upcoming weekend should be fun because I am taking Lotte to the pumpkin patch with her baby friends! I am also hoping to do something scary with my friends because I LOVE Halloween and I haven't been out of the house, other then work, without Lotte since Adam watched her a couple of weeks ago.  I feel bad wanting to go out without her for a few hours, I always feel guilty when I am away from her, but sometimes a mom needs a break, with Adam heading to the beach with his friends and my mom in Portland visiting my sister and the boys, I doubt I'll be able to get out of the house without the little one, but it'll be a great weekend anyway, as long as the weather holds out this time and I don't get cabin fever!

My little sock monkey picking out apples:

 
 
 Our house guest this week:

It is true, she does miss GG:
 
 The prettiest girl in town:

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Baby Holden!

Charlotte and I helped with Jenna's baby shower today! It was so much fun getting everything ready! Charlotte can not wait to meet her cousin Holden next month! We had a monster themed baby shower because Jenna chose a monster themed nursery! Charlotte was the hit of the party in her Heidi Klum monster outfit from babies r us! My mom called to tell me she saw Lotte's outfit on project runway lol! We had lots of monster themed goodness with a lot of inspiration from pinterest and Jenna and Andrew got lots of awesome gifts for baby Holden! I am so excited Lotte will have a cousin she can grow up with, it is going to be so much fun! Below are some of my favorite photos and touches of the baby shower!