I ended up watching a lot of the videos. Insane. Literally insane as to how much Charlotte has grown and changed over the last 18 months!
It is so hard to believe that the toothless little five lb infant is now my toddler who is walking, talking and has a mouthful of teeth.
I feel like I'm in a country song, literally in a blink of an eye Charlotte has grown up. She's so independent. She is exploring the world around her and learning new things every day. The amount of knowledge she takes in on a daily basis astounds me. She is so smart, sweet and pretty.
My heart aches because I know ill never get these (or those earlier) moments back. Time goes by so fast it is so hard to remember every detail and savor every moment.
I think that's what is so hard for me. I get lost in the day to day too often. I make it a point each and every day to do nothing but take it on. Tune out everyone and everything but Charlotte and just enjoy our time together.
These moments are the times I most love and most hate being a single mom. I know I know I'm a huge contradiction. That word does basically sum me up as a whole.
I love it because I don't have to share those special moments with anyone, it's just me and Charlotte. I know that we have a special bond that she doesn't share with anyone else. Don't get me wrong she has so many other people in her life she also has special bonds with, but they aren't the same. There's something special about mother daughter time, there really is, and I am blessed that I get EXTRA mother daughter time, it's amazing.
What makes me sad, is that I don't have anyone to share the day to day things with. Those little nuances that make Charlotte Charlotte. I'm the only person in the entire world who knows 3:00 am Charlotte (she's not super pleasant, but she is extra cuddly). Some days when she days little things or learns new things I look around expecting someone to be there. It's very hard not to have someone to share those things with, or have someone to bounce ideas off of.
I think that's what makes me such an over sharer. I want as many people to know the amazing Charlotte! Her likes, dislikes, wants, needs. So next time I'm going down memory lane I can say "hey remember when she did...."
The last 18 months have had many many downs for me, but it has also had its up. The biggest up (which outweighs ALL the downs) is that Charlotte has only had 18 months of ups. She is a very happy little girl, who has experienced many fun things and has many people in her life who love her. I try to make each day a special adventure for her and plan to do that for the rest of her life, no matter what our circumstances.
Each day is a gift and will be gone quicker than it should. Everyday I like to remind myself how important it is to put my phone down, stop working, quit complaining, stop worrying so much and just enjoy the moment. I'm so happy I've been successful at this (not as often as I'd like, but hey I'm human and have to make a living haha) I urge everyone I know to do the same. Seriously, it goes by so quickly!
How did this:
Turn into this:
I feel like I took a quick nap and the transformation happened. So weird, but I'm sure every parent out there feels the same. And that's what I love about this blog and my excessive Facebook picture sharing, I love when you all leave comments on my pictures and satuses and blog posts. The messages and emails sent are great, it makes me feel less alone (and totally normalizes this parenting thing, everyday I think I'm the only parent dealing with something and it's confusing and scary, and everyday you all prove me wrong and I feel normal again) seriously being a parent is hard so it's great to learn and hear from all of you! , and I love sharing charlottes journey with you all, it means more to me than you'll ever know!
